Room At The Table For You
The time has come for summer Bible Study sign ups. Whether it is through our study on 2 Timothy with Dayton Women in the Word, or an alternate Bible Study with women from your church, job, or small group, these sign ups can often lead to feelings of apprehension. Or they do for me, at least.
If you’re like me, you are initially enthusiastic about the idea of corporally studying a specific book of the Bible with other believers. And if you’re like me, this enthusiasm quickly detours into feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and a general disgruntled-ness.
If you are not like me, I would like for you to teach me your ways. Please help me get to the place where I no longer detour from elation to fear before officially signing up.
I have served on this team for several years now, and I will confess to you, sisters, that I’ve not yet signed up for 2 Timothy.
I have served on this team for several years now, and I will confess to you, sisters, that I’ve not yet signed up for 2 Timothy. My lack of commitment to the summer study isn’t because I believe I have nothing to learn, or because I lack desire to learn more about a particular book in the Bible. No, my hesitancy, my tardy sign up, lies in the pit of my belly where my lack of self esteems sometimes resides.
You see, I was late to the Christian game. I didn’t really start walking with the Lord until I was in my 20s, but when it happened, I went all in. And the last few years have been about unpacking what I swallowed whole without thinking in the beginning.
Our experiences, our childhoods, our current life circumstances, in my opinion, shape how we approach the Father and His Word, and what I’ve come to realize is, I go kind of dark, even in light of knowing who the Light is. This knowledge, or acceptance of myself rather, that I can go dark easily in my thoughts, can often lead me to feeling less than. I hold myself up against other women who love Jesus. I will never be as holy as them, as knowledgeable as them, I will never memorize scripture with the speed and accuracy of them, and sometimes, dangit, I am just plain angry.
Doubt wiggles in and nests in the wrinkles of my brain and the cracks of my heart, and I can pretty much talk myself out of anything.
Anyone out there feel me on this?
I convince myself I’m too dark, too heavy-minded, too broken with mental illness to really offer or receive anything from a summer Bible study. So wouldn’t it just be easier to get Taco Bell on the way home from work and read alone in my house, instead of blatantly proving I don’t fit in, in a small group?
Either way, I’m going to challenge myself, and you, to sign up. Click register. Stare the doubts, and fears, and concerns of being enough in the face and then tell them to go back to where they came from.
Maybe as you’re reading this, you can’t empathize - perhaps signing up for Bible Study is one of the easiest decisions you make all year. Maybe it feels easy, and smart, and challenging in the best way.
Maybe you know exactly how I feel, but your reasons for waiting to click “register” just look different than mine.
Either way, I’m going to challenge myself, and you, to sign up. Click register. Stare the doubts, and fears, and concerns of being enough in the face and then tell them to go back to where they came from.
And y’all? Where they came from? It’s not from God.
Matthew 6:26 says, Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?
Maybe some of us struggle more than others, or have darker thoughts than our sisters, or experience social anxiety, and so group gatherings are literally our worst nightmares.
There is still room at the table for us.
Whether this is your first summer study with Dayton Women in the Word or your third in a row, whether you’re counting down the days until it starts or figuring out how long you can prolong registering -
There is still room at the table for us.
He values us more than the birds, He knows the number of hairs on our head, He has engraved our stories into His hands - and He isn’t scared of the dark and twisty, the unease, the low self-esteem, or the fear.
In fact, I think He might be staring each of those things in the eye and whispering softly to each of us, “Bring it, little one. Just go ahead and bring it to My table. I carved a seat just for you.”
From one hesitant summer Bible Study signer-upper to you - I hope you see you there - questions, and curiosities, and all.
Steph Duff wants to live in a world where every human, whether small or regular-sized, learns to use their voice and is seen and known. When she's not traveling and story telling with Back2Back Ministries, you'll likely find her drinking excessive cups of coffee, with her nose in a book, or daydreaming about India. Her favorite scripture is Habakkuk 1:5, and she prays for a world in which Jesus is the name on every lip. Learn a little more about her love for semi-colons, what stirs her blood, and the yearnings of her heart over at www.stephaniduff.wordpress.com.