Reckless Love {Team Journal}
Today's team journal was written by our Social Media Manager, Kelly Gwin.
You know, the song by Cory Asbury? (If not, check it out on YouTube here.)
It's possible that many of you have had this anthem blaring in your car speakers since it came out in January, and while its proven to be slightly controversial, it has been the declaration of my heart, and recent theme song of my life. The word “reckless” has negative connotations if we’re going to get technical, but this word seems to capture the ferocious intensity of the love of God that has recently been revealed to me in a whole new way. This is a unique love that only comes from a good and perfect Father. A Father who is willing to go farther than we could ever imagine to come after His own.
A few weeks ago, (via circumstances obviously ordained by God) I was blindsided by sin from my past that I had completely forgotten about. Yes, forgotten sin. A hidden mountain of events and deeds (mine and others’) came down unexpectedly and felt as if it were pressing me down into the depths of the sea; it was dark and heavy. I was confronted with memories of things that I had pushed down deep. Things I would promptly shake out of my mind whenever they tried to float to the surface. I knew they were there, but they had found their home in a secret hole in my heart, far away from the light of day, and in some subconscious way I had reckoned them untouched by the blood of Jesus. This lie resulted in a long struggle with worthlessness, fear, trust issues, and condemnation that was only piling up with every new failure and weakness in my life. I believed the Gospel. I loved Jesus. But this secret collection of sin I kept almost subconsciously from the Lord was keeping me in bondage. An accuser in the back of my mind kept saying, “He didn’t pay for THOSE things.”
“He sent from on high, he took me;
he drew me out of many waters.
He rescued me from my strong enemy
and from those who hated me,
for they were too mighty for me.
They confronted me in the day of my calamity,
but the Lord was my support.
He brought me out into a broad place;
he rescued me, because he delighted in me.”
- Psalm 18:16-19 ESV
Sometimes grace and mercy looks like pain and process. My heavenly Father carefully and intentionally prepared my heart for this season. He knew it would hurt. He knew I would need to bring these things to people I love dearly, so that we could come into greater unity and understanding of barriers and struggles that, beforehand were perplexing and unexplainable. But the lyrics of the song ring true to those who have been through a process like this, “There's no shadow you won’t light up, mountain you won’t climb up, You're coming after me.”
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
- 1 John 1:19 ESV
God knew it would hurt. He knew it was worth it. He went down into the deepest depths of my past, and brought to the surface the ugly things that I didn't want to acknowledge, and showed me the truth - His truth. He lead me to the cross, and showed me that those secret sins were there - not on my back, but on the back of my Savior. He willingly shed His blood for every single one. Attempting to hide from them was only robbing me of experiencing the fullness of His love for me. He bought me - all of me. He knew exactly what He was purchasing, and He doesn’t regret it. He is not ashamed to be called my God.
So, I held onto His hand, and let Him take me to places I didn’t want to go, which included confiding in my husband and in my community. I was received with grace and understanding, and found that holding back was only serving to keep me from experiencing the fullness of love in those contexts as well. This “holding back” was not done intentionally, but I do admit that I had convinced myself that things that happened before my life in Christ didn’t matter to Him, or to others. I clung to the truth that I’m a new creation and moved on. While accepting my new identity is vital to abundant life, I realize now that it’s only when we are willing to get low, in the muck and mire of our sin, that the Gospel is magnified in our lives the way that it should be. As the song lyrics say:
There's no shadow You won't light up
Mountain You won't climb up
Coming after me
There's no wall You won't kick down
Lie You won't tear down
Coming after me
So I’ve learned to confront my sin and failures head on, past and present, no matter how deep or vile, and sing the song of my Father’s love for me. This is freedom. Fully known and fully loved. Dark shadows being lit up by the grace and mercy of a God who wants me to know the depths of His love. I carry the truth of the Gospel in my heart each day as I continue to grow, mature, fail, and fall. I am now living aware of the glorious fact that EVERY one of my sins is covered by the blood of Christ. Therefore, I am not heaping new condemnation onto myself when I fail. That is not possible for a child of God. I am reminded that when we sin, we are just seeing more and more things that He died for. “It is finished.” The mountain is gone. I mourn and grieve and repent, but then I rejoice and walk in “the overwhelming, never ending, reckless love of God.”
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.
- Romans 8:1-4 ESV
Kelly Gwin wants to live in a world where deep heart-talks happen at the top of every hour (you know, ones where everyone cries), gardens thrive without effort, and all the walls are white. When she's not discipling her 3 young girls and trying to keep her coffee hot, you can find her serving and living life with her Faith Christian Fellowship Dayton family, listening to some sort of podcast, or being "social" on behalf of DWITW.
Her favorite Scriptures are: Psalm 86:8 and Romans 5:8.