To Trust in the Face of Trauma {DWITW 365}
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
- Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV
Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track.
- Proverbs 3:5-6 MSG
Sometimes I think Solomon wrote these words just for me, though he didn’t realize it at the time. As I read them, and re-underline them, I think maybe the good Lord was on His throne, giving Solomon these words while He was thinking about a brown-haired, green-eyed woman who would need them desperately over and over again in her life.
Trust is a tricky thing for me, friends. I used to feel shame to admit that – whether it was related to a friendship, to a family member, to a significant other. I felt, somewhere deep in my gut, that if I admitted I struggled with trust, it was a reflection of my own heart. These days, I’m learning just being honest about it all is a practice of living freer. It doesn’t mean it’ll always be easy. It doesn’t mean it’ll always go smoothly. But if I give space to myself, and to those in my life, to speak honestly, we will be living life more openly.
He, alone, deserves me believing the best of Him, trusting Him wholly, and praising Him every inch I step.
Like many other people I know, I’ve been cheated on. I’ve been lied to while looking someone in the eye. I’ve been misled, let down, and deeply hurt. In the last two years I’ve learned a great deal about trauma, the effects it has on the brain, and how we operate in relationships as a result of said trauma. Previous relationships and key people in my story who’ve hurt me or melded their lives with mine in dishonesty have left me expecting fallacy to be discourse. As I grow and mature and learn, I realize just how unfair that can be to new people; it is something I am continually fighting and butting my head up against.
It is unfair to people because I believe we deserve to have the best believed of us. But we are all human, aren’t we? Which means, no matter our best intentions, no matter how honest we live and love, we will let each other down. But God.
The One giving Solomon the words, the One speaking through literature or music or nature to His kids, He doesn’t let us down. His plans may not be what we had in mind for ourselves, but He does not disappoint. He, alone, deserves me believing the best of Him, trusting Him wholly, and praising Him every inch I step. The truth is, though, He’s often who I trust the least, in times of wilderness. Never mind that sometimes those moments of wilderness are the sum of my own choices, of me believing I can do it on my own, make the better choice, figure out the details.
When I stop listening for God’s voice, when I stop discussing even the minor details with Him, I end up turned around and mistrusting of everyone. One of my favorite quotes was first spoken by author and speaker, Maya Angelou. She says, “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”
He calls us to all corners of the earth, meets us there, and begins a healing we weren’t aware we needed.
I consider the Creator of the universe. I think about, in the garden, how He calls to Adam and Eve, “Where are you?” even though we all know He knew just where they were. I think about the cross and crucifixion and what that means for me. I consider the healing, with a touch of a hand, the tables shared with prostitutes and lepers and tax collectors. I consider the first time I fully understood that He does, without question, bring goodness from the most heartbreaking of circumstances. I think about how He calls us to all corners of the earth, meets us there, and begins a healing we weren’t aware we needed.
Then I meditate on trust. On all the times I’ve not given it over to Him, but instead to people who would fail me simply because of their mortality. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. Our Father is one who shows up and stays – without question, regardless of where we’re coming from, unhesitant before our sinful living. Why do I hesitate to give my trust over to the One who will never stop showing up, chasing after, pulling near?
Lord God, forgive me all those moments I’ve put trust in the backseat of our relationship. Forgive me for all the times to come that I will be prone to do the same. Jesus, allow me to have an open heart to You, recalling all the ways you’ve never failed, never left, never lost grip on my heart. Amen.
Steph Duff wants to live in a world where every human, whether small or regular-sized, learns to use their voice and is seen and known. When she's not traveling and story telling with Back2Back Ministries, you'll likely find her drinking excessive cups of coffee, with her nose in a book, or daydreaming about India. Her favorite scripture is Habakkuk 1:5, and she prays for a world in which Jesus is the name on every lip. Learn a little more about her love for semi-colons, what stirs her blood, and the yearnings of her heart over at www.stephaniduff.wordpress.com.