I remember attending several Christian events as a teen. There was always vibrant worship, excellent speakers, calls to action and the sharing of personal testimonies. I remember sitting and listening with rapt attention to the personal testimonies that were shared.  Stories of people who went from party-goer to all out Christ-follower. Stories of people who went from drug addicts to totally sober and clean. Stories of people who were wretchedly sick and God miraculously healed them. Even the story of the Apostle Paul, whose radical testimony declares him transformed from the biggest persecutor of Christians to one of the leaders of the very Church he once persecuted. It seemed like everywhere I looked, I heard radical stories of change and transformation that left me breathless and in awe of the powerful saving grace of Jesus Christ. And, if I’m being honest...these stories also always left me a little deflated. That’s amazing! That’s wonderful! That awe-inspiring! And then...there is me, and my story.

I was saved at the age of 4. I don’t even remember my “conversion experience,” but my Mom told me that I prayed with her. I grew up in a Christian home (as a missionary kid, no less). I had a rough patch in junior high where I was mean to other girls and too interested in other boys (you know, from a distance). Then, throughout high school, I always received awards like “Christian character” or “leader in service.” I then attended a Christian college, where I was involved in Bible Study leadership and any service opportunity I could get my hands on. At this Christian college, I met my Christian husband and we got married at the young age of 21. Obviously, we were virgins at our wedding. Our vows were Christian and our wedding was, too. Basically, I have always been the “perfect” Christian. With a really, really boring testimony. 

Or, so I thought. Until I come across a passage in Ephesians 2. At first glance, I find my thoughts surge with selfishness and a lack of understanding. Surely, this passage doesn’t apply to Christians like me. Dead in my transgressions? What transgressions? An object of wrath? For what? God’s enemy? Yeah, maybe when I was 3 and I wasn’t officially a Christian yet. 

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ…
ePHESIANS 2:4-5

And then it all comes to my mind - my testimony has nothing to do with me, namely what I have or haven’t done. It has nothing to do with my list of good deeds, or even bad deeds. It has nothing to do with how drastic the lifestyle change in my life may have been or not been. Instead, it has everything to do with Christ… - Him changing me at my deepest core.

Before the grace and sanctification of God was realized in my life (whether at 4 or 104!), I was dead (Eph 2:1). I was without hope. I was, by my very nature, an object of God’s wrath (Eph 2:3). I deserved NOTHING. My very existence meant that I was separated from God. Apart from God, I followed and would continue to follow the ways of the world (Eph 2:3), and my own evil thoughts and desires (Eph 2:3). Not only was I, by my very existence, an enemy of God, I was also a follower of Satan. It seems hard to picture this in someone who was saved as a young child, but even now, apart from Christ, I am all of those things.

BUT PRAISE GOD...Ephesians 2 goes on to explain to us that through Christ (2:5), I am made alive! Through Christ, I am shown God’s great mercy and given salvation. Through Christ, I can and will stand for the ways of truth. Through Christ I am no longer a slave to Satan, but am a child of God, free to love, serve, and sit with Him.

Now that is a testimony that does not sit in the past, with a one-time conversion experience. That is a testimony that does not just apply to those who had a life-changing, radical transformation. That is a powerful and life-changing testimony that every believer can shout about from the rooftops. That is a testimony that unites every believer, whether their previous lifestyle looks more like the apostle Paul or the missionary kid Suzanne. That is a testimony that instead of pointing to a personal transformation, points to the power of being “in Christ.”

So, sisters, let us be unafraid of sharing our personal testimonies - no matter how radical or “un-radical” they may appear to us to be. Let us share what Christ has saved us from, and what He continues to lead us to - being God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do (Eph 2:10).

---

 Suzanne Hines wants to live in a world where sunflowers bloom in eternal summer, where her children play instead of argue and where her family has an endless budget for travel. When she's not loving her husband, training and teaching her three children, and spreading education on the foster care system, you can find her writing, reading or running outside!

Her favorite Scripture is Romans 12:12 "...be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer..." (NIV)

Our team journal was written for you today by our Social Media Manager, Kelly Gwin.

“What is happening!?”

This is the question I kept asking myself as I began to struggle.

For a long time I was in a season where I felt like I was flourishing -- God had done something new and amazing, and I KNEW that I was done being defeated by my circumstances. But... they’re called “seasons” for a reason, and God is good to never leave us where we are. Even if it’s in a “good” place. No, He desires that we bear fruit for Him, and that can only happen if the branch is regularly pruned -- which is a bummer, because we are the branches, and pruning HURTS! He always wants more for us. John 15:2 says,“Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit,” and it was my turn.

New, more difficult circumstances arose for our family, and my old sinful habits started to come right back with them. This new way of life felt unfair and burdensome. Anger and bitterness began to creep in, and I began to feel that abundance slipping away. This showed me that my joy, my peace, my LIFE, must not be coming purely from the Vine because I had none of those things. My circumstances became more difficult, and so did my attitude. Jesus came to bring life in abundance (John 10:10), and let me tell you, I was NOT experiencing that abundance. 

“I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”

— John 15:5

Every inconvenience took over my emotions, and every challenge overcame me. God had brought me out of sinful habits before, and I felt  desperate for Him to rescue me again! I was listening to my word, and seeing my actions, and wondering what in the world had happened! “Where did the abundance go? What happened to the fruit!?” I thought. 

I knew I was totally hopeless without my Savior, but I just found myself sulking in that place. I would say, “God, I can’t do this. I need you to change me. This is too much for me to handle. You’ve done it before, just do it again!” I was practically writhing in anger at the fact that I was having to deal with challenges. I want everything to be easy and convenient. I want to be like Christ without suffering with Him. I want to be holy without the process of refining. I was feeling sorry for myself, sitting in my anger, focusing on the negative. I was speaking death, acting out of my flesh, and seeking my own comfort. I cried out to God constantly, but something very intentional was going on. As I processed with Him in prayer throughout this time, and sought His wisdom in the Scriptures, He helped me to see what was happening. I didn’t want to be pruned, but He showed me that it was time, and it was needed.

And I’m not out of it yet. God has begun to take me through that painful, but necessary process in order that this crooked little branch might bear more fruit, and find LIFE in the Vine. It's been a difficult season full of friction, and cutting, and that feeling of death happening in my flesh as I fight all these little daily battles. And fight is the key word here. I’ve experienced triumph, and catastrophic failure. It's been painful and violent, as pruning is, but I’ve seen His faithfulness in seasons like these a number of times before. I know there is a purpose and a good plan that will result in glory for Him and joy for me, real joy.

I’m continually being encouraged by Him as He confirms His intentions and comforts me with His Word every day. Romans 6 says I’m dead to sin, and alive to God. It says I have the power of the resurrection living in me because of the Holy Spirit. Deuteronomy 30 says this is not too hard for me! I have the ability to choose life over death, and when I do my whole family is blessed! Deeper still into Romans chapter 8, He’s teaching me to SET my mind on the things of the Spirit which IS life and peace! He’s reminding me that, yes, I am sinful and can do nothing without Him (John 15:5) , BUT I’M NOT WITHOUT HIM! 

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

— John 10:10

I needed a season to really see the magnitude of my sin. I needed to FEEL my need for Him, but I’ve gotten lost in that, and I forgot that I am a daughter of the KING! I need to be transformed by the renewing of my MIND! (Romans 12:2) My thoughts have been holding ME captive instead of the other way around! (2 Cor. 10:5) I have been carrying burdens that do not belong to me! I CAN obey! I CAN change! I CAN overcome, because of Christ! He came that we may have LIFE and have it ABUNDANTLY (John 10:10)! 

My circumstances haven’t changed, but God, in His goodness, is bringing me into a new season where my circumstances and weaknesses are not going to steal the joy that He died for me to have. I’m trusting the Lord’s good and gracious hand in the pruning. I know God does not intend to leave even a fruit-bearing branch how it is, but He is always after a more abundant harvest for His people. He will “give the increase” when I reach the end of this, and let me tell you, I feel it coming. I’m learning to WALK in accordance with the truth that He is dwelling in me, and will keep sin from having dominion over my life. (Romans 6:14)

Are you in that season right now? Are you seeing a pattern of sin and death in your daily life, when God has made it so clear that He wants to give LIFE!? Don’t waste your struggles. Know that God is very intentional and has a good plan for all of it. Every challenge is an opportunity to practice walking in the Spirit, and He is right there, inside you, to help you. I will tell you right now that even as I write that I can feel the friction in my flesh. I don’t want difficult. But man, I do want to be like Him. So I’m in surrender-mode now, friends. I’m saying, “Cut away, Lord.” Because I want ALL that He has for me. I want the fruit. I want all that abundance, and I know it’s waiting for me when the season changes.

---

Kelly is a worship leader, treasurer, and all-around multi-tasker at her church, while raising three little girls with her husband. Laughing, time with other women, and a completed to-do list are some of her favorite things outside of her passion for the work and Word of God. If you ask her when Christmas starts, she'll tell you it's before Thanksgiving

Today's team journal is written by our Event Coordinator, Sami Hudgins.

“But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea. If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter into life maimed, rather than having two hands, to go to hell, into the fire that shall never be quenched…And if your foot causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life lame, rather than having two feet, to be cast into hell, into the fire that shall never be quenched … And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye, rather than having two eyes, to be cast into hell fire.”

— Mark 9:42-47

“Am I your ONE and only? Is anything else placed above ME in your heart?”

This is the question that echoed in my head after recently hearing Mark 9:42-47 read aloud by my pastor. As he went through his sermon, he clarified that we are not called to literally cut off our own hands, but we are indeed called to deliberately flee from temptation, and to pursue righteousness (1 Timothy 6:11).  Sitting in that pew, I found myself (yet again) asking God to reveal the sin that entangles me, and He answered with that simple question: “What do you place above me in your heart?”

In response, I found myself just as Peter did, pleading with Jesus after denying him so many times: “Lord, you know I LOVE you.”

He has convicted me of denying Him for my own glory.

I have an ideal image of myself, and I have made a habit of pursuing it daily, disregarding the consequences. In attempt to amplify my own worth, I’ve turned down His will and carried out my own agenda instead. I’ve denied the Lord by striving to make myself known in this world.  My heart longs to be a woman of God, but part of me thought I could be that and so much more. The truth is, I'm always striving to be my best person, but if I’m being honest, I've put this striving to achieve my ideal image above my call bring glory to his name. As a result, my work, however good or productive, becomes sinful.

I confess to you that my attitude toward God has often been conditional and on my own terms. I've been willing to go to where he sends me as long as it fits into my own schedule and routine. I confess that I have denied the Lord. 

Oh, but Lord! You know I love you.

In Mark 9, we are called to make radical changes against the sin in our lives. I am learning, yet again, to go against the grain of the world, turn away from old habits, and be made new in Christ. Peter warns us against such sin; he tells us that we must be sober-minded in order to guard ourselves from the devil, who seeks to devour us (1 Peter 5:8). God is teaching me how to be sober-minded. He continually whispers in my ear, “my daughter, there is only One.”

There is only one hope.

There are days that I find myself hoping in the most temporary of things. I put my hope in relationships with people that will surely ebb and flow. I put my hope in my latest hobby and project, for which my passion will surely fade. I put my hope in a young and fit body, which will surely start sagging sooner than I would prefer. I put my hope in the latest and greatest health strategy, which will surely be disproved by next year. I put my hope in new organization tools, which will surely fail to keep my life in order for longer than three consecutive days.  There is only one hope, it is the hope that Jesus promised: the kingdom of God will never fade, will never fail and will forever be. “Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations. The LORD is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does.” (Psalm 145:13 NIV) My striving distracts me from the one and only hope that will endure forever. 

There is only one mission.

Do you have a power walk? I do. My striving steps become even longer when I have set my mind to my work.  To say the very least, Jesus did amazing work here on Earth. He completed missions that I would never even dream of attempting, things no power walk of mine could accomplish. Yet, as I read through scripture, I don’t get the feeling that Jesus had a power walk. He didn’t puff his chest out and walk daringly to revive the girl who had already taken her last breath; but instead, he walked slowly and humbly, allowing the Father to guide Him with every step. Jesus was willing to bring God glory in whatever way he was called, even if it required a diversion from the path he had initially set out to take.  Jesus accomplished many things in his short time here on Earth, but he lived for only one mission: to glorify the Father. This mission was reflected in everything He did, from his daily encounters to his dying on the cross. We, too are instructed to live out one mission! Philippians 1:27 (HCS) says, “Just one thing: live you life in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.” There is only one mission- to proclaim the name of God.  There is no mission worth striving to accomplish if it not bringing glory to God’s name.

There is only one way.

Look around. We are constantly nudged by this world to go in one direction or another.  If you were to spend just ten minutes on the Internet, you might feel the urge to start a new house project, begin a certain diet, or set a new life goal.  In John 14:6, Jesus says, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” He did not say, “I am one of the ways.” In my attempt to go above and beyond, I have strayed from the one and only path.  We must be sober-minded, responding only to the Lord’s voice, following only His guidance. We must take radical action against the diversions offered to us in this world so that our direction might be clear.

“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.”

— James 4:7-8

I am learning how to submit to God in new ways.  I am walking away from life as I have known it, looking to Him as I live in this world but resist the temptation to be a part of it. I am drawing near to Him, and He is purifying my desires to reflect more of Him: the one and only.

I pray boldly for God to destroy the name I have built up in my striving. Will you join me in that prayer? Lord, help us to flee from sin so that your name may be made great.  Make us women who will speak of nothing but your greatness. Your name is the only name that must be made great.

---

Samantha "Sami" Hudgins serves as the Event Coordinator for Dayton Women in the Word. She is an Air Force wife and fur-baby-mama to Charlie. Her heart longs for women to join together to seek and find truth in God's Word. 

Our team journal is written for you today by our Social Media Manager, Kelly Gwin.

Why do some days seems so much worse than others? Why do we have days where we're just so full of joy, praise is in our mouths, and kindness and wisdom seems to come effortlessly in the Lord, and then the next day it seems it's taking everything in you to not scream or cry on an hourly basis. Am I the only one asking these questions? I sure hope not.

One of my focuses in studying God's Word right now is Psalm 119, and I see this consistent theme. A pure heart. The Psalms are bursting with pleas and praises concerning the heart: this deep desire to not only KNOW God's Word, but to LOVE IT in a real, deep, transformational way. As you read through chapter 119, you'll see this pattern in an especially bold and obvious way. "Oh that my ways may be steadfast in keeping your statutes" (v5), "my soul is consumed with longing for your rules at all times (v20), and it just goes on and on. The writers are asking and pleading with the Lord to change their hearts, open their eyes, and teach them His ways, while simultaneously praising Him and expressing, with as many words as they can muster, how deeply they love His ways, His commandments, His works. They seem abnormally in love with God's law, yet seem to feel this overwhelming need of revelation.

---

“Oh that my ways may be steadfast in keeping your statutes...my soul is consumed with longing for your rules at all times.”

— Psalm 119, v5 and v20

---

This is the tension we live in as Christians, and I'm convinced this tension only increases with growth. At one point I had surrendered my life to the Lord, had given my heart to Him, and saw life in His Word, yet the strength of that tension was nothing compared to what I feel now. I have a deeper and more real desire for Him to change my heart and am more aware of the fact that only He can do that, not me. My love and affection for His Word has gripped me in a way I only pleaded for before. Yet, I become more aware of my sin, grow in knowledge of my desperate need for Him, and find myself in that same position again. Crying out for help. I continue to fail, fall, and fumble. The truth still remains that our hearts are "deceitful above all things and desperately sick" (Jer. 17:9). From the garden we have believed lies and fallen prey to our own sinful hearts in spite of our love for God.

So what can we do? The answer is nothing. And praise God! He has done, is doing, and will continue to do all that is required and more for us to walk that line of tension and find the balance. All we have to do is BELIEVE that truth. It's funny how He set it up that way. We look at HIM, surrender to HIM, believe what HE has done, and HE does everything else. We give up. Stop the striving, stop the performing, and believe that He is who He says He is, and all the other things happen automatically. His commands become your attitudes. His rules become your freedom. His standards become your inspirations. The reality sets in that this is exactly where you want to be: so aware of your vileness and weakness, yet finding yourself walking that narrow path. 

So I throw my hands up. Throw them up in defeat knowing I can't do anything for myself. Throw them up in desperation as I continue to plead for change. And I throw them up in praise for the Victory that is already mine in Christ. We will keep having bad days, but oh how much more thankful we will be to know Him at the end of them. 

---

Kelly is a worship leader, treasurer, and all-around multi-tasker at her church, while running a business as a fashion consultant and raising three little girls with her husband. Laughing, time with other women, and a completed to-do list are some of her favorite things outside of her passion for the work and Word of God. If you ask her when Christmas starts, she'll tell you it's before Thanksgiving.